its sunny in LA i said to much so much I wanted to share i never know how to say it right i just know i cant hold it inside but now i don't know what to say part of me never got over being told i was too much too intense the un returned phone calls from my mother and father a decade of a little girl wanting to find a home i am home now in myself there is nothing else i made them a home in my heart i invited them over they never come visit and then it reminded me of home a trigger buried then everything i ever felt from 17 years of trying to be good enough to be loved only to never be seen came pouring out pouring up i was going through some things eyes long walks in sunshine reminded me of home the one i never had the one part of me always wanted you never know how much family means till yours never comes to visit it makes me not like religion they would still be my best friends if there was no christianity to make them think i was their enemy then i felt years of things i had forgotten i knew how to feel the violence never is quiet the bruises vanish the scars stay its always the ones we are closest to we hurt the most i am leaving the door open and there is still a little girl somewhere in there that hopes one day I'll have a family that can love me as I am and not be mad at me cause I don;t believe in books written by dead men who just wanted peoples money I left the door open its been years they never came to visit sometimes my heart gets heavy sometimes i get confused sometimes i don't know the difference between then and now but there was a moment i felt it up high looking over cities sharing stories and if I could have created a family it would have been something like that i'll leave the door open and maybe one day they'll come to visit me till then my kitty cats keep me company and i sometimes write long letters as a kid i used to write letters trying to get through all the fear trying to get to hearts trying to explain that i loved them i wasnt perfect but i still loved them i wrote hundreds of letters i would try to communicate cause how can we love when our hearts are so far apart i'll leave the door to my heart open and maybe one day they'll visit or i'll make a new one i have jack and shadow and my friends and everyone in the world there my family now i made everyone part of it then i never feel homeless but at home everywhere