I can feel you
like a ghost
once I create
that bond
skin and sweat
inside out
the merging of bodies
in long nights
of making love
with the stars
under the moon
in the silence
you become part
I become part of you
then the time always
seems to come
when the time and space
the distance and years
pulls us apart
I find myself far away
sitting still
and then I feel you
move dream dance
hurt sometimes I wonder
if I am actually feeling you
so then I would ask
hundreds of times I asked
and hundreds of times It
was correct as if I string
had been tied from your soul
to mine

maybe everytime we make love
we tie a soul string
I feel like we do
cutting them is like
pulling a string out
cutting it
sometimes I have to cut them
sometimes I have to run away
I never want to I always want to stay
forever my hearts never liked
endings it likes eternities
but not prisions
their is a difference
I just never understand
why we couldn't love each other
forever its not that hard
as long as I am willing to let go

If I love you
I love you without me
I love you when your away
I love you when you love someone else
I love you when your happy
I love you when your sad
I love you when your mad at me
I love you when we fight
I love you even if you hurt me
If it hurts too much
I may have to love you from far away
But I never want to not love you
Even if I try to cut the string
I only can seem to lessen it
Even if it hurts its still a part of me

Like my family
I love them
Even though they want me to be
someone I cant be
Believe things I cant believe
Obey rules I don't believe in
Then they get angry
They get sad they blame me
My mother said once NYC was where
all the evil people went
I scare here with my art
She is ashamed of me
She is angry and sad
But its not me making her sad
I am just me
She is just her

Mother
I love you
But I can't be who you
want me to be
its not me
If you can love me as I am
I miss you
I miss having a family
but if the cost of being
me is my family

Then I accept it

I invited them to visit
since I left home
I would always make
My home as pretty as I could
i never had much
but I can make anything
pretty with things others
throw away
I invited them
They never came
Not once and now I realize
They never will
I always wanted to share
all the things I thought were pretty
with them but they told me
they were all bad
and the things I thought were beautiful
they said were evil and so

I still love them
I didn't know what to do
I would try and try
Call write
ask
I felt like I was begging
Months would go by
no calls
no letters
silence
I would reach out
Silence
eventually I realized

I can't do anything about it
I made a home in my heart and life
but they may never come
and its ok I can still love them
from a distance
forever

It taught me love
It taught me not to rage
It taught me how to be my own family
I had to become my own mother and father
as a kid in the world alone
because mine werent there

It taught me love
and how to love
even when people
aren't like me
it taught me how not to give up
but to surrender
and that although
part of me has always
wanted to be or have
a family

I know I am my own
and maybe that is all
I will ever have
and if so it is enough

Lovers become like
additions to my family
they may leave
they may not be here
but in my heart
they will always have a home
maybe in silence
maybe from a distance
but anyone that close
deserve to know
that even if we end in someways
there is still love there

for in the end
the things that seems to cause the most
harm in this world is the bitter
closed off hate and angry
which causes us to kill each other
and kill love and it would be easier
for me to hate them
to rage
but then i become empty

and it cuts me off from
what keeps me here

and so like ghost
they are always with me
near me
part of me
and have a home with me
for i hope someday
through many lives
all of this can be
resolved
through
love