its sunny in LA
i said to much
so much I wanted to share
i never know how to say it right
i just know i cant hold it inside
but now i don't know what to say
part of me never got over
being told i was too much
too intense
the un returned phone calls
from my mother and father
a decade of a little girl
wanting to find a home
i am home now
in myself
there is nothing else

i made them a home in my heart
i invited them over
they never come visit
and then it reminded me of home
a trigger buried
then everything i ever felt
from 17 years of trying to
be good enough to be loved
only to never be seen
came pouring out
pouring up
i was going through some things

eyes
long walks in sunshine
reminded me of home
the one i never had
the one part of me
always wanted
you never know how much
family means
till yours never comes
to visit
it makes me not like religion
they would still be my best friends
if there was no christianity
to make them think
i was their enemy
then i felt years of
things i had forgotten
i knew how to feel
the violence never is quiet
the bruises vanish
the scars stay
its always the ones
we are closest to
we hurt the most

i am leaving the door open
and there is still a little girl
somewhere in there that hopes
one day I'll have a family
that can love me as I am
and not be mad at me
cause I don;t believe in books
written by dead men
who just wanted
peoples money

I left the door open
its been years
they never came to visit
sometimes
my heart gets heavy
sometimes i get confused
sometimes i don't know
the difference between
then and now

but there was a moment
i felt it up high looking over
cities
sharing stories
and if I could have created
a family it would have been
something like that

i'll leave the door open
and maybe one day
they'll come to visit me
till then

my kitty cats keep me company
and i sometimes write long letters

as a kid
i used to write letters
trying to get through
all the fear
trying to get to hearts
trying to explain
that i loved them
i wasnt perfect
but i still loved them
i wrote hundreds of letters

i would try
to communicate
cause how can we love
when our hearts
are so
far apart

i'll leave the door to my heart open
and maybe one day
they'll visit or i'll make a new one


i have jack and shadow
and my friends
and everyone in the world
there my family now
i made everyone
part of it
then

i never feel homeless
but at home everywhere